The God I Believe In...

Source: Hubblesite.org
Several months ago, a friend of mine was talking to me about a conversation she had with her children around the dinner table. Her 6-year-old had just started Christian Education at school and asked if God really did make all those planets and stars. She began to reinforce this when her 11-year-old, who has been learning in science about the makeup of the universe, piped up, "No he didn't. It was made by a big bang." He then began describing molecules and atoms and evolution. She was at a loss and didn't know what to tell him. I said to her. "Well, I would just ask him where he thinks the Big Bang came from and who caused it."

Some time after that, I was thinking about all the troubles in the world. It made me sad as I'm sure it makes God sad to see the choices that we humans make. I wondered if people believe in the same God that I believe in, so as I only had a scrap of paper, I started writing down points about the God that I believe in. I kept it in my purse for a long time because I was too lazy to put it on my computer. Well, now here it is. This is the God that I believe in. Please feel free to add points in the comments about what kind of God you believe in.

1. Loves us more than we love Him
2. Wants us to be like Him
3. Loves all of His children equally
4. Allows all His children to have an opportunity to return to Him
5. Makes everything right and fair in the end, even if it isn't while on earth
6. Makes us figure things out for ourselves
7. Helps us be stronger by giving us hard things to overcome
8. Won’t give up on us
9. Helps us when we ask
10. Gives us encouragement, enlightenment and peace, all rewards for doing what is right. But, he won't take away pain, suffering and sorrow because these are all necessary emotions just as fulfillment, joy and contentment are
11. Gives us commandments and laws to follow and prophets to teach us
12. Wants us to love and serve each other
13. Gives us each different talents, abilities and weaknesses to use to strengthen ourselves and others and make our world diverse and interesting
14. Gives us our agency and independence to choose what we will do

This is really what I want for my children too. I think our Heavenly Father wants for His children what we want for our children. Many of my beliefs come from my religion (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints). If you want to know more, click here www.mormon.org.

A Word about Boundaries and Hard Work

Me, my parents and 10 of my siblings at my sister's wedding in 2009

My brothers and sisters have commented before, and I have been asked; with so many children (twelve, 1 who died at age 18), how did my parents manage to keep us all close and faithful to the values we were raised with? On top of that, how is it that so many of us have been successful in our lives? Although we are all different and unique individuals, we hold true to what we were taught at home and strive to live up to the expectations set for us. This is not to say we haven’t had our share of disappointment and adversity or rebellion. Nor have we always seen eye to eye on everything. The values we were taught have stuck though, and any rebellion we had was minimal in comparison to the world’s standards. Why is that? 

My parents are quick to deny credit for the way their children have turned out. My mom generally points out that this is just the way we were sent to them. I beg to differ. I would like to point out a few things my parents did with us to teach us and keep us from rebelling in a major way and what we try to emulate in our own home as we teach and raise our children.

Determine your family values and stick by them. You can find our family values here. My parents always had boundaries for everything. For example, in our home, “shut up” was a swear word and not tolerated. In our home the word “hate” is similarly not tolerated. If the boundaries are set close enough in, when children rebel, they won’t go as far as they would if they were left to the end of the border.

Come down swift and terrible when family values are violated. This does not mean being mean. Have a consequence for when a child violates those family values and then follow through. Try to distance yourself from the emotion. I remember reading an article once that said when your child is resistant and you need to stand your ground, look at them steadily and think of something completely benign like kumquats. (I’m not exactly sure what kumquats are, but think they are some sort of fruit) I find when I do this, I remove myself emotionally from the situation and am able to follow through without the fights. One more example about swift and terrible: when my brother was 16 or 17, he decided to dye his hair. It was a bit of a disaster. His hair turned bright orange. My dad laid into him about representing our family and setting an example for his siblings. He was confined to his bedroom until the hair dresser could be arranged to change his hair back to a more suitable color. It wasn’t the hair color that was necessarily the problem. In fact, my dad admits now that it was actually sort of funny, but it was the principle of rebellion that my dad was coming down hard on. I guess what it comes down to is that strict works. We had strict parents, but they weren’t mean. That is why I love them, respect them and thank them. Because of the strictness of the way, we were directed in the right path and as we grew older, we didn’t depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6) 

Parenting is hard work. Anything that is worth doing well will be hard work. You can’t expect to send your child to school each day and expect them to learn without providing them a teacher. You are their teacher for their values and you have to work hard and help them to stay on the pay. We value families. We spend a lot of time together as a family. We take vacations together. We have family dinner nearly every night. We take outings together and have a family home evening once every week where we teach a lesson about anything from budgeting and finances to temples and being a good friend. We play a game, sing a song or two and have a refreshment. We also have family prayer every morning and most evenings as well as study the scriptures together most evenings. This is all hard work. It means a lot of planning and preparation. No work you do in training your children is ever wasted though. If it doesn’t strengthen them, it certainly strengthens you.

Praise effort in the right direction. Most children desire approval from their parents above all. This is not an area to manipulate or exploit, but is a tool to encourage and motivate a child to make choices in their life that will lead them to success and happiness. When I was a teenager, my dad would often come into the room where I would be practicing the piano. He would lie down on the ground and just listen to me. This was enough motivation for me to not only continue playing the piano, but to begin practicing for many hours at a time, eventually being able to give a senior recital when I was 18 and teach piano lessons to my children and others. It doesn’t often take much encouragement for a child to want to succeed.

Putting in the time and effort to teach your children doesn’t always make you popular. My oldest two were complaining the other day about something they had to do that their friends didn’t need to do. We explained our reasoning including helping them to see down the road several years to where their friends might be compared to where they might be if they followed our counsel and rules. 

My parents taught us all how to be obedient and kept us there until we were old enough to see the wisdom of the path. I do not feel that I was restrained. Quite the contrary; I feel I was able to avoid many of the trials that beset many of my associates. Because of the strictness, I now enjoy much more freedom. I am not afraid of anything coming out of my past (except maybe that embarrassing 6th grade photo). I am not bound by addictions (except perhaps chocolate). I don’t feel like I’ve missed some great opportunity to figure things out on my own by making mistakes because I have made mistakes, heaps of them. I continue to make mistakes, but because of my upbringing, I know how to correct those mistakes and learn from them. This gives me more freedom to learn and go about where I would like. Don’t be afraid of the task and don’t double guess when you have to come down hard when those around you would let it slide. Keep the end goal in mind and follow through. If you’re having a tough time being tough, give yourself a pep talk. I often disappear into the bathroom during a difficult confrontation of wills to look myself in the mirror and say, “Come on Becky. You totally have this. Get out there and do what you’ve been trained to do.” And off I go to tame the ruthless savages once again!

Parenting Tip of the Day #2 - Leading Gently

Trying to help 3 and 4-year-olds say their prayers at night is sometimes an arduous task. They are generally tired and just a little grumpy to get out of their beds to say prayers. I have tried forcing them to their knees, but this didn’t seem really Christ-like, so I decided that if they didn’t want to say their prayers, I would allow them to lie in bed and I would say a prayer for them. This is actually a really nice opportunity to pray for them. I can say things that I know they’re trying to work on like potty-training or giving up thumb-sucking or learning to read, or to be kind to each other or a plethora of other skills. 

The other day, Wyatt (3-year-old) was home with me and I was listening to some General Conference talks on mormonchannel.org. Wyatt would hear a word he recognized like church or baptized or service and would get really excited and repeat the word. Then, he disappeared. He ran out of his room after a minute and was really excited. He said. “Mum, come see! I can do my prayers just like you.” He made me come into his room and kneel down next to his bed and fold my arms like him. He then looked up at me and said “See Mum! I can do my prayers like you.” 

I’m still learning that parents can shove children harshly and get them to do what the parent decides, but if a parent wants a child to truly change direction on their own, they must be led gently.

Faith

Here is THE FABULOUS PLAN FOR RAISING SPIRITUAL, WELL-BEHAVED AND CIVILIZED CHILDREN. This is the Faith installment. Of course, this plan is still in the beginning stages and is as yet completely tested, but it's better than nothing. Let me know how it works for you.

Develop a Testimony of Jesus Christ

Scripture Study

Age 0-3 – Be there during scripture study, tell stories from the scriptures

Age 3-5 – Read scriptures with family repeating after parent

Age 6 – Read as much as possible with family on own during family scripture study

Age 8 –

1. Receive first copy of scriptures with much pomp and circumstance
2. Personal scripture study begins with Book of Mormon – Reads with a buddy (devotional with older sibling or with mom or dad) Can be on own next to buddy. Buddy teaches child how to study properly, marking, journaling, praying. Set a time daily to do this and set timer so it only takes a set amount of time (10 minutes)
3. Continue Family scripture study

Age 12 – Continue personal scripture study on own

Age 14 –

1. Begin Seminary
2. Start a Seminary journal if haven’t already and write thoughts about what you are reading
3. Memorize Scripture Mastery (10 minutes a day following scripture study time, set a timer)

Prayer

Age 0-3 –

1. Pray for them
2. Allow them to be there during family prayers
3. Tell them often that Jesus and Heavenly Father love them
4. Show them pictures often of Jesus telling them who it is and that they are loved

Age 2-6 –

1. All the above
2. Parent pray with child, giving them words to repeat.
3. Parent models proper prayer terms and things to pray for; 3 things to be grateful, 3 things to ask for self, 3 things to ask for someone else
4. Include child in family prayer queue
5. Give them opportunities to pray for food, etc

Age 6

1. All the above
2. Pray aloud at bedtime and in the morning

Church Attendance

Age 0-3 –

1. Taken out of meetings only if very fussy.
2. Sits on lap in hallway, no playing in Nursery.
3. No snacks during Sacrament Meeting

Age 3-7 –

1. Attends Primary activities
2. Quiet drawing and sew cards, etc allowed after Sacrament
3. Reverence expected during Sacrament, may lean on Mom or Dad but not lie on bench

Age 8-12

1. All of the Above
2. Faith in God –  at least15 minutes every Sunday
3. Sits up during Sacrament Meeting. No leaning.
4. Scouts or Achievement Days Attendance

Age 12

1. Personal Progress/Duty to God
2. Attend all mutual activities and service projects
3. No reading or activities during Sacrament Meeting. Quietly listening to speakers. May take notes

***Confession: No, I don't do all of these things with my children, but I do some of them and I think I would like to do all of them, but as mentioned earlier, there is simply not enough time in the day, so try a few. It can't hurt***

The three most important things you can do with your family to increase faith is
1. Family Prayer
2. Family Scripture Study
3. Family Home Evening
Actually, I would probably add Family Dinner to that as well.

Update

Our camera has officially died, so I don't have any pictures to post, but I'll give you a bit of an idea of what we've been up to. Kyle and Ashlee are making lots of mates at school. They enjoy their teachers and I think it's great that Ashlee is learning about Aboriginal and English History in Australia. It's fun to hear them speak a little Strailn too. Kyle actually is pretty good about saying "Pardon?" instead of "What?" when he's confused and they talk about the rubbish bin instead of the garbage can and are constantly correcting the way I pronounce the letter "H" which is "haytch" here and "Z" which is pronounced "Zed".

Ethan corrects me all the time too, but that's nothing really new. He enjoys his post as oldest child. I'm glad that he likes responsibility and I give it to him, but sometimes I wish he wouldn't be quite so bossy to the younger kids. Oldest children are tough. I know they have a rough time of it, but I'm glad Ethan is pretty strong.

Kyle will turn 8 on Thursday. He'll be baptized on Sunday. We're happy he's made this decision and is excited about it. We wish more of you could make it to the baptism. Give us a call if you happen to be in Brisbane this week. ;) It's unfortunate Robert and Ashlee will be gone on his birthday, but we'll just make his birthday stretch through the weekend

I've been thinking about how to teach my children to resist temptation and overcome weakness. While I was making chocolate chip cookies on Friday for a fundraiser at the school, an idea came to me. I was having such a hard time resisting eating the cookie dough and cookies when they were cooked. After a couple of bites, I decided, I can tell myself not to eat another bite and I won't, so I didn't. Then, I thought, this might be a good way for me to teach the kids. Part of the idea came from a friend of mine that did the same thing. I offered the kids $150 each if they could go without any sugar until Christmas. We'll make an exception for Thanksgiving and for their own birthday (Kyle), but even Halloween, they'll have to give it up. It'll totally be worth the money if they can do it. I wonder which ones, if any of them, will be able to resist it all. I'm doing the same thing myself. So far, Ethan, Ashlee and Kyle and I have had 2 and a half sugar-free days. I'll let you know how it goes as things progress.

Aaron is really growing up and developing quite the personality. I've been taking him to Nursery the last couple of weeks. He loves singing the songs and playing with the toys. He even sort of participates in the lesson (helping the teacher get out everything from her bag). He doesn't like getting pushed around by some of the other kids though. He LOVES balls. None of my kids have ever been so passionate about something. His first word was definitely "ball" and he sees them everywhere. Any circular-shaped, anything is a ball. He is also passionate about his blanket. A friend of mine crocheted it for him and he has trouble going to sleep without it. Ammon has taken to carrying him everywhere. It's a little dangerous and not Aaron's favorite thing to do.

Ammon had his birthday. We had a great time with Robert's Aunts and Uncles for dinner and cupcakes at the park with his friends. I think I did okay. He plays almost every day with his friend, Caleb. They are starting to understand each other now, and I raerely have to referee any arguements.

Robert was just called as a Seminary Teacher for our ward. Class starts at 6am. He shares the calling and only needs to teach 2 days a week. They are studying the Book of Mormon this year. He'll do such a good job. Robert is an excellent teacher and loves the youth. It will be a good calling for him.

We went to the Australia Zoo yesterday. It was alright. For the price, I think I would rather go to some of the other features around Brisbane, however, they had a special deal that if you went once in August, you could get into the park for free the rest of the year, so we went for it. I do like the habitats for the animals. They do especially well for the Kangaroos. We did a little more Kangaroo petting yesterday.

Ashlee had a choir concert on Friday. It was fun to hear her practicing her songs. She has a really beautiful voice. Ethan played in the band on Saturday for Aviation High Open Day. He still loves percussion. Not quite as challenging here as in American Fork though.

I was called as Relief Society Extra Meeting Coordinator. I'm currently working on a Goal Setting Meeting in September. We're going to have a lesson on using your patriarchal blessing to set goals, then a couple mini-classes about teaching your children to set goals and re-setting goals particularly once the kids have left the house. I'm working on a display with ideas for your bucket list. I'm going to try to get a bunch of buckets to give out with little squares of paper people can write ideas for goals on. If anyone has some ideas for the bucket list, please let me know. I'd love to have more ideas. I think it will be a good activity and I'm getting more excited about the calling.

Well, I guess that about does it for now. I continue bulge as my baby is expanding me. I can't believe it's only 3 more months, but at the same time, I think I'll be ready. My body can't take much more of this. If anyone wants to see my big belly, feel free to Skype. We love you guys!